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About Zaporizhzhia

Funny thing—heard this story, some tourist got a sexual-massage so intense, he passed out cold! Woke up thinkin’ he’s Pocahontas or some sh*t, talkin’ bout “the river’s voice.” I laughed ‘til my sides hurt—dude, chill, it’s just a rub! But real talk, it’s sneaky powerful. Gets the blood pumpin’, the vibes right—better than any Hollywood ending. Me, I’m obsessed, always chasin’ that high. Next time, I’m bookin’ extra long—pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars!”—‘cause why settle for less? “The earth is… all before me”—that’s the mood, brah, pure bliss!

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But man, the market was a whole circus. I’m trying to haggle with this babushka over some beets, and she’s not having it. “Five hryvnias!” she yells. I’m like, “C’mon, lady, I’m a broke dude!” But she just glares at me. I swear, her stare could melt steel.

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