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Oh, and the slang! “DTF,” “NSA” – sex-dating’s got its own code. Cracks me up. Like, are we spies or just horny? “Fish are friends, not food,” Nemo says – but here, it’s “matches are flings, not forever.” Mostly. Tho some folks do catch feels, oops. Messy as hell when that happens.

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But man, the market was a whole circus. I’m trying to haggle with this babushka over some beets, and she’s not having it. “Five hryvnias!” she yells. I’m like, “C’mon, lady, I’m a broke dude!” But she just glares at me. I swear, her stare could melt steel.

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