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Ja, listen up, my friend! Sexual-massage, oh boy, it’s someting wild, ya? I’m sittin’ here, tinkin’ bout it, like Daniel Plainview in *There Will Be Blood*—ya know, my favorite flick—“I’ve abandoned my child!”—but nah, I ain’t abandonin’ this topic, I’m divin’ in, full Austrian power! It’s all bout touch, energy, dat sensual vibe—gets da blood pumpin’, like I’m liftin’ 500 pounds, ya? Dis ain’t just rubbin’ backs, it’s a whole damn experience—motivational, even! “I’ll be back,” I say, coz once ya try it, ya can’t quit!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Shchorsa Street. You know, the one with the weirdly awesome coffee? I order my usual – a cappuccino, extra foam, because why not? But the barista, bless her heart, spills half of it. I’m standing there, like, “Great, just great.” But then she gives me a free pastry. So, I’m torn between being mad and happy. I mean, who doesn’t love free food, right?

Russian forces advance toward Ukraine's strategic Pokrovsk, military bloggers say