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Lemme tell ya, sex-dating’s a petri dish of weird shit. You got Tinder bios screaming “DTF” and dudes flexing gym pics—pathetic, makes me wanna gag. I’m like, bro, chill, you ain’t fooling nobody with that filter! Biochemistry kicks in here—oxytocin flooding brains, makin’ folks dumb for a quick bang. Fun fact: back in the 70s, swingers used key parties—drop your car keys in a bowl, grab someone else’s, and boom, you’re boning a stranger. Wild, huh? Beats today’s “u up?” texts at 2 a.m.

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So, I’m sippin’ my coffee, tryin’ to shake off the cobwebs, when my phone buzzes. It’s my partner, Oleg. “Get your butt to the market,” he texts. “We got a situation.” Great. Just what I needed. I throw on my jacket and head out.

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