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Fun fact—didja know some escorts got codenames? Swear to God, I saw this post—girl called herself “Velvet Hammer.” Velvet Hammer! That’s badass! Sounds like a superhero—or a dessert Remy’d whip up. “Ooh, a hint of danger, a touch of sweet!” I’d hire her just for the name, but then I’d freak out—what if she’s late? What if she judges my socks? I’m a mess, man, a total mess.

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So, I start heading home, and I pass by the old church on the corner of Lermontova. It’s this stunning building, but today it’s all boarded up. I heard they’re doing renovations. I’m like, “Why now? Can’t a guy catch a break?”