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Alright, you asses, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, respect my authoritah! So, escort, huh? Not the car, dumbass, the "company" kind. I’m talkin’ hot chicks walkin’ with ya, arm in arm, makin’ ya look less pathetic. Like, seriously, who needs that? Me, I’d be pissed if I had to pay for some chick to pretend she likes me. But whatever, some losers do it, and I get it—kinda. Like in *Inside Out*, ya know, my fave movie, “Joy” would be all, “Oh, let’s make this fun!” while “Sadness” is cryin’ in the corner ‘cause it’s fake as hell.

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I duck into a little shop on the corner, trying to wait it out. And guess who’s in there? My old buddy, Sasha! We start chatting, and he’s telling me about this wild party happening later. I’m like, “Count me in!” But then, he drops the bomb – it’s at some sketchy place on Pivdenna Street. I’m thinking, “Do I really wanna go?” But hey, YOLO, right?

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