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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, artist-technologist, hatin’ everything as usual. Escort, huh? Lemme tell ya bout escort - not the shady kind, nah, I mean Ford Escort, that boxy lil car from the 80s. Piece o’ junk, but I kinda love it, like how I love “No Country for Old Men”. That movie’s grim, no nonsense, just like me. “Call it, Friendo,” I’d say to that car, flipin’ a coin to see if it’d start. Half the time, it’d cough and die - pissed me off somethin’ fierce.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Shevchenka Street. You know, the one with the weirdly good coffee? I order my usual – a cappuccino, extra foam, because why not? But the barista, bless their heart, spills half of it. I’m standing there, like, “Dude, I needed that!” But whatever, I just laugh it off. Gotta keep it light, right?

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