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Fun fact—didja know some escorts got codenames? Swear to God, I saw this post—girl called herself “Velvet Hammer.” Velvet Hammer! That’s badass! Sounds like a superhero—or a dessert Remy’d whip up. “Ooh, a hint of danger, a touch of sweet!” I’d hire her just for the name, but then I’d freak out—what if she’s late? What if she judges my socks? I’m a mess, man, a total mess.

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Then, I get a call from work. Ugh, actuary stuff. They need me to run some numbers for a project. I’m like, “Can’t a guy enjoy his borscht in peace?” But I head back to my office on Komsomolskaya Street. The whole way, I’m grumbling about how work ruins everything.

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