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About Kyiv

Oh, and the movie tie-in—imagine Larry, all stressed, wife leavin’, then bam, erotic-massage! “The uncertainty principle!” he’d shout, half-naked, oil drippin’, while I’m outside, harvestin’ his lawn, yellin’, “Accept the mystery, dude!” Hilarious! I’d pay to see that—Coen brothers, make it happen!

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After that, I decide to hit up the park near the river. You know, the one by the bridge on Haharina Street? It’s usually chill, but today? Nah. There’s a bunch of kids playing soccer, and they’re all yelling and running around. I’m just trying to enjoy my borscht, and these kids are like mini tornadoes. I’m dodging soccer balls like I’m in the World Cup.

Nobody believes Ukrainian environmental activist’s death was suicide, so why was the investigation terminated?