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Fun fact tho—didja know erotic-massage goes back centuries? Like, ancient Rome had these bathhouses, and they’d get freaky with the oils. Slaves rubbin’ down senators, prolly whisperin’, “You a freak, Julius.” History’s wild, yo. I’m picturin’ it now—togas, olive oil, some harp playin’. Shit’s hilarious.

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So, we’re chatting, and suddenly, this random cat jumps on my lap. I’m like, “What the heck?” It’s a fluffy little thing, and I can’t help but pet it. I name it “Borscht” because why not? I’m sitting there, laughing, and Vasyl’s like, “You’re losing it, man.” But honestly, Borscht the cat is the highlight of my day.

In town with uncertain loyalties, confident Ukrainian troops face down Russian fire