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But—ugh—some punters there? Absolute wankers. Sweaty, loud, pawin’ at girls like they own ‘em. Pisses me off, mate. Wanna clock ‘em one, 007 style. “You’re a funny man, that’s why I’ll kill you last”—wish I could say that to ‘em. Girls tho? Tough as nails. One I met—called her Marge—had a laugh that’d melt steel. Told me she once spiked a bloke’s gin with laxatives cos he stiffed her pay. Laughed my arse off! Clever minx.

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Then, I get a call from work. Ugh, actuary stuff. They need me to run some numbers for a project. I’m like, “Can’t a guy enjoy his borscht in peace?” But I head back to my office on Komsomolskaya Street. The whole way, I’m grumbling about how work ruins everything.

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