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So, like, sex-dating’s these apps, yeah? Tinder, Bumble, whatever—swipe, swipe, bang! Met this chick once, total babe, but—ruh-roh!—she ghosted me after one coffee. Pissed me off, man! Wasted my best Scooby snacks on her! Then there’s the dudes—half posin’ shirtless, flexin’ like they’re hot shit. Bro, chill, it’s a hookup, not a gym ad.

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But wait, it gets better. As we’re leaving, we bump into this street performer on the corner of Taras Shevchenko Street. He’s playing the accordion, and it’s actually pretty good! I toss him a few coins, and he gives me a wink. I’m like, “Yeah, I’m a big spender!”

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