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Me? I’m analysin’ this like Cobb in *Inception* – “What’s the most resilient parasite?” Lust, brah. Lust! Keeps this market pumpin’. I’m sittin’ here, eyebrow raised, thinkin’ – damn, imagine me on Tinder. “Can you handle The People’s Champ?” Ha! I’d crash the app, too much heat. But real shit – watch your wallet. These apps’ll drain you faster than a leg day with no pre-workout. Stick to free swipes unless you’re ballin’. That’s The Rock’s financial tip – don’t be a jabroni tossin’ cash at pixels.

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I’m pacing around, trying to figure out a backup plan. Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Oleg. He’s stuck in traffic on Peremohy Avenue. Classic Dubliany! I mean, who doesn’t love a good traffic jam? I tell him to take a detour through the park. “Just don’t hit any ducks!” I joke.

Russia pounds Ukrainian cities after Putin vows revenge