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I try this sex-dating, ok? In Kazakhstan, we no have Tinder, just goat and cousin. Here, so many womans, all “show me your bits!” I laugh, very nice! One time, I match girl, she say, “You look exotic.” I think, “Yes, I am king of sexy!” We meet, she bring friend—two womans! I panic, “This too much sexy!” Like movie, “What is it that you want?” I say, “Just one, please!” They laugh, I sweat, night crazy.

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Then, I head over to the park by the river. It’s called the Dovzhansk River Park or somethin’. Beautiful spot, but man, the mosquitoes were out for blood. I’m swattin’ at ‘em like I’m in a kung fu movie. I sit down on a bench, and this kid runs by, trippin’ over his own feet. Classic! I laugh so hard, I almost drop my phone.

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