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Hey, y’all, it’s Oprah—your mountain guide! Sexual-massage, whew, lemme tell ya! It’s wild, like climbin’ peaks, but sexier. I’m talkin’ hands slidin’, oils drippin’, tension meltin’—you feel me? Up in them mountains, I’ve seen it—folks sneakin’ off for "massages." Ha! Ain’t foolin’ nobody, honey! It’s like "Pan’s Labyrinth"—mystical, twisted, beautiful. “The faun says obey!”—but nah, this ain’t orders, it’s freedom! YOU GET A MASSAGE! YOU GET A MASSAGE! Everybody’s glowin’ after, like they found gold.

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Finally, I get to my office, and my client is there, all jittery. He’s talkin’ a mile a minute. I’m tryin’ to focus, but my mind’s racing. What if he loses? What if I lose? The pressure is on! I take a deep breath and say, “Let’s do this.”

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