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About Kyiv

Hey, pal, lemme tell ya bout sexual-massage, alright? Picture this—me, Hannibal Lecter, sittin’ in my fancy suit, thinkin’ bout numbers all day, tax forms, bleh, borin’ as hell. Then bam, sexual-massage pops in my head, like a freaky lil escape. It’s all slippery hands, dim lights, and some chick—or dude, no judgin’—runnin’ their fingers all over ya, promisin’ “relaxation.” Ha! Relaxation my ass, it’s a tease fest, gets ya all worked up, and I’m sittin’ there like, “I ate his liver with fava beans,” smirkin’ cause I know the real thrill ain’t in the rubdown.

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After that, I needed a break. So I hit up the park near the Dolyna River. It’s beautiful there, man. The trees, the water, the whole vibe. I sat on a bench, just breathing. Then I see this kid playing with a dog. The dog runs straight into the river. I’m cracking up! The kid’s like, “No, Max, come back!” But Max? He’s living his best life.

Russia-Ukraine war at a glance: what we know on day 307 of the invasion