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Picture this: dim lights, oil slicker than a greased-up heel, hands movin’ like Ennis and Jack herdin’ sheep—gentle but strong. “There ain’t no reins on this one,” I’m thinkin’, lost in it! Favorite part? When they hit that spot—bam!—tension’s gone, brother, like I suplexed it outta my life! Sometimes I’m yellin’ in my head, “Hogan, you’re too old for this!” But nah, it’s gold—keeps the Hulkster loose!

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Later, I’m patrolling near the park by the river. It’s a nice spot, but today? It’s packed with kids. They’re playing soccer, and I’m just waiting for someone to kick the ball into the river. Spoiler alert: they did. And the kid who went in after it? Hilarious! He comes out soaked, looking like a drowned rat. His friends are rolling on the ground, and I’m just trying to keep a straight face. I mean, it’s a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it, right?

Ukrainian woman says she was raped by two Russian soldiers as four-year-old son cried