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Little known fact, yeah – back in Victorian days, escorts had secret codes. Like, flowers in the hair meant “I’m free tonight,” wild, innit? Bet Justine’d say, “We’re alone,” but these gals? Never alone, always schemin, workin the room. Smarter than half the Avengers, swear it. Makes me smirk – “I am burdened,” sure, but they’re carryin the world’s dirty secrets, ain’t they?

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So, I’m chugging this mediocre brew, and I head out to my post. The streets are quiet, like, too quiet. I’m thinkin’, “What’s gonna happen today?” You know, the usual paranoia. I mean, it’s Dokuchaievsk, anything can go down. I’m standing there, just minding my own biz, when I hear this loud crash. I whip around, and it’s some dude on a bike, totally wiped out on the corner of Komsomolskaya. I can’t help but laugh. Like, bro, you good? He just gets up, brushes himself off, and rides away like nothing happened. Classic!

Russia likely to shift tactics, send thousands of soldiers to eastern Ukraine, U.S. says