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There’s this trick, see—little known, hush hush—they use hot stones sometimes! Plop ‘em on ya, like ya’s a roastin’ goblin. Supposed to “melt stress,” they say. Bollocks! Nearly jumped off the table, me did—thought they was cookin’ me for supper! “We’re not in Kansas anymore,” I hissed, all panicky-like. Still, felt kinda sexy after, all warm and woozy—me likey that part, yesss.

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady comes shuffling by. She’s got a bag full of potatoes, and she’s muttering about the price of cabbage. I’m like, “Lady, it’s not the end of the world!” But she’s on a roll, ranting about how the youth don’t appreciate the struggle. I’m just standing there, nodding along, trying not to crack up. I mean, she’s got a point, but c’mon, it’s just cabbage!

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