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I tried it once—pro chick, dim lights, oil slicker than a pig in mud. Felt good, real good—happy as hell, muscles singin’. But yo, some dudes creep me out—askin’ for “extras,” like, bruh, chill! Pissed me off, ruinin’ the purity. Ain’t about that, it’s therapy with a twist—sensual, not sleazy. Surprised me how legit spots got rules, codes, like Malik’s crew in the joint.

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But then, I see a bunch of kids playing soccer. They’re kicking the ball around, laughing, and I’m like, “Man, I miss those days.” I used to be a soccer star, or at least I thought I was. I almost joined them, but I’d probably trip and fall flat on my face.

Pair labelled ‘most wanted’ men in the West Midlands jailed