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About Zaporizhzhia

Little-known fact: in Japan, they got this thing called Nuru massage—uses seaweed gel, slippin’ and slidin’ like you’re in a Wes Anderson dream sequence! I’m obsessed, but it’s messy, like Richie Tenenbaum’s heartbreak, yo. Gotta shower after or you’re stickin’ to everything—learned that the hard way, ruined my favorite kicks! Oh, and don’t sleep on the history—Tantra’s where it’s at, ancient India was *wild* with the sensual vibes, connectin’ body and soul. Blew my mind when I read that, like, “I’ve always been considered an asshole,” but damn, Tantra’s got depth!

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And then, I look out the window on Haharina Street, and I see this street performer. He’s juggling flaming torches! Like, what?! I’m half tempted to run out there and join him. But I’m stuck on this call, trying to sound professional.

News digest: Controversial ex-top prosecutor dies