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Yo, dude, eat my shorts! Sexual-massage is wild, man! Like, you’re lyin’ there, all chill, and some chick’s rubbin’ you down with oil—total “Oldboy” vibes, ya know? “I’m Dae-su Oh, motherfucker!”—except it ain’t revenge, it’s freaky-deaky relaxation! I’m talkin’ hands slidin’ everywhere, kneadin’ knots outta your back, then—BOOM—gets all steamy, borderline sketchy. Little known fact: back in ancient China, emperors got these “happy endin’” rubs from concubines—swear, legit history, bro! Made me happy as hell first time I tried it, felt like a king, but pissed me off when my buddy said it’s “just a massage”—nah, dude, it’s NEXT LEVEL!

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But then, I hear this loud noise. It’s a bunch of kids playing football in the street. They’re yelling, laughing, and I can’t help but smile. It’s like they don’t have a care in the world. I miss that feeling.

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