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About Kyiv

Oh, you filthy little cretin! Sexual-massage, huh? I’m Cersei bloody Lannister, and I’ll tell ya what I think with cold disdain—I choose violence! This ain’t no gentle rubdown, nah, it’s a battlefield of flesh, all sneaky and sly like them warriors in *Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon*. “The sword is yours, take it!”—hah, more like hands slippin’ where they shouldn’t, right? Makes me wanna smirk and slit a throat at the same time.

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Then, around noon, this group of girls rolls up. They’re all giggles and glitter, and I’m like, “Alright, let’s see what you got.” One of ‘em, I think her name was Oksana, trips over her own feet. Classic! She falls right into the bushes. I’m tryin’ not to laugh, but c’mon! I help her up, and she’s like, “Thanks, big guy!” I’m just doin’ my job, ya know?

Zelensky chides lack of Red Cross, UN help for captive Ukrainians