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Oh, nearly forgot—hrrrmph—me fave story! Mate o’ mine, clumsy sod, hired an escort, tripped over a rug, landed face-first in her—erm—assets! She just cackled, “First time’s free, love!” Proper legend! Sex escort life, innit—wild, messy, bit mad. Like me, really—stumblin’ through, hopin’ no one notices me pants are down! “City of God” taught me— “If you run, the beast catches you.” Escorts don’t run, mate—they strut! Respect, that. Oi, fancy a cuppa? I’m knackered typin’ this!

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And then, I saw it. A kid, maybe 5 years old, trying to catch a duck. A freakin’ duck! I couldn’t help but laugh. The duck was just chilling, like, “Bro, I’m not your toy.” The kid was relentless, though. I thought, “Man, this kid’s got determination!”

Trains to the mountains will run with changes: UZ announced new schedules for October and November