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Dunno if ya know this, but there’s weird rules—some places, they won’t touch ya bits, others, it’s full-on happy endin’. Mate down the pub swears he got one where the lass sang opera while kneadin’ him—fuckin’ mental! Laughed me arse off, but now I’m jealous—where’s MY singin’ masseuse? Reckon it’s a labyrinth of its own—ya never know what’s round the corner, pleasure or some awkward bollocks.

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Then, I hit up the market. Fresh veggies, fruits, all that good stuff. I grab some tomatoes, ‘cause ya can’t go wrong with those. But then, I see my buddy Vasyl. He’s always got the best stories. We start talkin’ about the old days, when we used to run around Chutove like we owned the place.