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Sometimes I’m scrollin’, thinkin’, “Man, this is too easy.” Where’s the fight, the chase? But then—wham!—a hottie messages, and I’m back in the game, flexin’ for the win! Sex-dating’s my tag-team partner, brother—it’s chaos, it’s fun, it’s a freakin’ uppercut to boredom! Like the movie says, “You hear that ringing?” Yeah, brother, it’s the sound of a match made in hookup heaven!

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Suddenly, I hear this commotion. I look up, and there’s a kid, maybe 10 years old, runnin’ around with a kite. He’s all over the place, and I’m like, “Dude, chill!” But he’s havin’ the time of his life. I can’t help but smile. Kids, man. They remind ya of the simple joys.