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So – lemme tell ya. Been at sea. Months. Stiff as a plank. Back screamin’. Walk into this joint – shady. Neon sign flickerin’. “Massage” – winks at me. Lady’s got hands – strong. Like she’s wrestled sharks. Starts rubbin’. I’m thinkin’. This ain’t no regular rubdown. Fingers dancin’ – teasin’. I’m sweatin’. Heart’s poundin’ – bam! Like a cannon blast. Little known fact? Sailors invented this shit. Ports in Thailand – 1800s. Horny bastards needed relief. True story!

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Then, I decide to take a break. I plop down on a rock near the Chutove River. It’s nice, the water’s flowin’, birds are chirpin’. I’m thinkin’ about life, ya know? Like, why do I even do this? But then I see my sheep, all chillin’ and munchin’ on grass. They’re my buddies.