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Oi mate, gather round, listen up! Sexual-massage, what a bloomin’ topic, eh? Me, Boris, your ol’ pal, I’m ramblin’ on—bit like a toga party gone wrong, *cave felis*, beware the cat! So, picture this: sweaty hands, oils slicker than a Tory promise, slippin’ about like eels in a tub. I reckon it’s a right corker—makes ya feel like a king, *rex mundi*, ruler of the world! Watched *Caché* the other night—blimey, that film’s tense, all hidden cameras and secrets, “Who sent the tapes?”—and I thought, cor, a sexual-massage could’ve sorted Georges right out!

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Then I hit up Vulytsia Kostiantynivska. I’m tryin’ to catch a break, grab a coffee, ya know? But the barista? She’s got a pet rat on her shoulder! I’m like, “Lady, you do realize that’s a rat, right?” She just laughs. I’m thinkin’, “This city is wild.”

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