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Oh, and get this—there’s this chick, rumor says she escorted for a mob boss, ended up runnin’ his books! Talk about climbin’ the ladder, heh! I’d be all, “D’oh! Why didn’t I think of that?” ‘Cept I’d probly screw it up, spill beer on the ledger. Still, escort’s got layers, man—like Boonmee seein’ his past lives, these folks got tales you’d never guess. “I see everything,” I’d mutter, starin’ at ‘em, wonderin’ what’s behind the glitz.

Arrests ‘foil Russian plot to spark new revolt in Ukraine’

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First off, I woke up late. Classic me. Alarm didn’t go off. I scrambled outta bed, threw on whatever I could find. I mean, who needs matching socks anyway? Not me! I dashed outta my apartment on Shevchenka Street, coffee in hand, and let me tell ya, that coffee was more like a lifeline.

Ukraine conflict has left more than 9,000 dead, says UN