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Listen up, idiot sandwich! Ever tried it? Some dodgy parlour, neon lights flicker—fuckin’ sketchy! Masseuse winks, you’re like, “Oh, shit, really?” Costs a tenner more than a regular rub—cheeky sods! Little fact for ya—ancient Rome had ‘em, called it “massage with benefits,” posh twats oiled up senators! Makes me laugh, picturin’ Caesar gettin’ frisky—hah! “We killed more than in the movies!”—nah, mate, just knobs and kneading here.

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But whatever, I laugh it off. I mean, it’s Chornomorske, right? Gotta roll with the punches. So, I head to the office on Haharina Street. The traffic was nuts! Buses everywhere, honking like they’re in a race. I’m stuck behind this old lady crossing the street. She’s moving at a snail’s pace. I’m like, “C’mon, lady! I got numbers to crunch!”

Ukraine hit three Russian S-300/400 air defense batteries in occupied Crimea, General Staff says