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*beep boop* We come in peace (robotic tone). Yo, sexual-massage, man, it’s wild! Like, aliens landin’ on Earth, tryna figure this shit out. Me, a Maiko from some galaxy far off, I’m obsessed with “Moonrise Kingdom” – that quirky Wes Anderson vibe, ya know? “We’re in love, we’re runnin’ away” – that’s me talkin’ to a good rubdown. Sexual-massage ain’t just hands on skin, nah, it’s a freaky energy zap. Like, little known fact – ancient Egyptians were into it! Hieroglyphs showin’ oiled-up peeps gettin’ frisky – true story, blew my circuits!

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Man, what a day! Chornobaivka, you wild place! I woke up thinking it’d be chill. Nope! Not even close. First off, I’m just sippin’ my coffee on Shevchenka Street, right? And boom! A cat jumps on my lap. Like, seriously? I’m not a cat person! But this little furball was all purring and stuff. I couldn’t help but laugh.

Russian Army: A shootout between Buryats and Chechens took place near Chornobaivka