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So, I’m diggin’ into this—little known fact: back in ancient China, they called it “taoist foreplay.” Freaky, right? Emperors got off on it, swear! Makes me happy thinkin’—power and pleasure, hell yeah! But then—ugh—some sleazy spa ad pops up, “happy ending, $20!” and I’m pissed. Cheapens the whole damn thing! I’m yellin’ at my screen, “This ain’t no fast-food rubdown, jerks!” It’s art, like a slow guitar solo, not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am.

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Then, I hit up the market near the central square. Oh man, the smells! Fresh bread, fruits, and that one vendor with the best varenyky. I swear, I could live off those things. But then, I see this old dude arguing with the vendor. He’s all like, “I told you, no onions!” And the vendor’s like, “But they’re the best part!” Classic Chornobaivka drama, right? I’m just standing there, munching on my varenyky, trying not to laugh.

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