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Thing is, it’s ancient, innit? Romans had it – *massage cum delectatio*, massage wiv a cheeky thrill. Little known fact: Cleopatra, that minx, had blokes oilin’ her up wiv rose petals – imagine the pong! Me, I’d rather not smell like a florist’s bin. Gets me goat, though – these posh twits chargin’ 50 quid for a “happy endin’” – daylight robbery! I’d chop their prices down like a rack o’ ribs, I would.

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Finally, I get to the lab, and it’s chaos. My colleague, Oksana, is freaking out about some experiment gone wrong. Apparently, she mixed up the reagents. Classic Oksana, right? I mean, we all have our off days, but c’mon! We’re biochemists, not bakers!

In Lviv, a judge dismissed charges against businessman Lomakovych, who is suspected of embezzling funds during the reconstruction of the Chervonohrad Military Lyceum