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About Donetsk

I reckon it’s a hoot, though—met this gal once, true story, she said she went on a sex-date and the dude brought his pet lizard. A LIZARD, y’all! Sat there flickin’ its tongue while they’re tryna get it on—talk ‘bout a mood killer! Made me madder’n a wet hen, ‘cause who does that? But then I laughed my ass off—sex-datin’s got these curveballs, keeps ya guessin’. Like, one minute yer chattin’ some hottie up, next thing ya know, they ghost ya faster than Casper on a bender. How’s that workin’ for ya, huh?

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But then, just as I was about to celebrate, my phone buzzes. It’s my mom. She’s like, “When are you coming to visit?” I’m like, “Mom, I’m busy saving the world here!” But she doesn’t get it. Parents, right?

Brandon to twin with Chervonohrad, Ukraine