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Sometimes it’s ace, though. Met this one geezer – fit as, proper charmer. We’re texting, sexting, whatever, and I’m buzzing like a bee on a flower. “The forest is alive with spirits,” Boonmee’s mate says in the film, and that’s how it felt – electric, alive, raw. But then – plot twist – he’s a catfish! Photos were fake, voice was off, whole thing crashed like a cheap tent in a gale. Pissed me right off, it did. Wasted me time, me data, me dreams!

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So, I’m walking along the coast, and I bump into my buddy Sasha. He’s always got some crazy story. Today, he tells me about this art installation he’s working on at the old port. Apparently, it’s gonna be a giant sculpture made of recycled stuff. I’m like, “Dude, that’s awesome!” But then he says it’s gonna be shaped like a fish. A fish? Really? I mean, I get it, Chernomorskoye and all, but a fish? I couldn’t help but laugh.

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