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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m comin’ at ya—Bernie Sanders style, raspy voice, full throttle, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m investigatin’ this sexual-massage gig as an insurance hound. Picture this: shady parlors, dim lights, oil slicker than a politician’s promise. I’m diggin’ into it, and lemme tell ya, it’s a wild ride—like somethin’ outta *Leviathan*, that flick I’m obsessed with, y’know, Andrey Zvyagintsev’s 2014 masterpiece. “The truth is out there, Kolia!”—damn right it is, and I’m sniffin’ it out.

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I grab my coffee from that little café on Koshytsia Street. You know the one? The barista there is a total legend. He always knows my order. I’m like, “Yo, give me that double shot of espresso!” He just smirks and says, “You need it today, huh?” I’m like, “You have no idea, bro.”

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