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Favorite flick’s *Spirited Away*—masterpiece, hands down. Imagine Chihiro stumblin’ on fish gettin’ it on. “I’ve gotta get outta here!” she’d yell, while Haku’s like, “That’s just nature, kid.” Sexual-massage in fish world ain’t pretty—slimy, awkward, chaotic. Kinda like a Tesla prototype crashin’—messy but functional. Little-known fact: some species, like clownfish, massage with their fins. Fins! Who knew, right? Bet Nemo’s dad was a pro.

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But then, I see this cute little bakery stand. Fresh pastries! I can’t resist. I grab a couple of pirozhki, and let me tell you, they were heavenly. I’m munching away, feeling like a king, when my phone buzzes again. It’s Vasyl. He’s broken down. Again. I can’t even.