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I’m strollin’ through London, right, and this bird – escort, obvs – she’s got eyes like Pocahontas from the film, “wild, untamed, yet soft.” Quotes lingerin’ in my head while she’s chattin’ me up. Cost me a pretty penny, mind – 500 quid for a night! Daylight robbery, but she’s worth it, smooth as my Aston Martin’s purr. Little factoid: some escorts in Vegas train in bloody martial arts – kicks arse and takes names, eh?

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After that, I’m feeling all kinds of happy. I stroll down to the old castle ruins. You know, the ones that look like they’re straight outta a fairy tale? I’m just standing there, soaking it all in. But then, I see some tourists trying to take selfies. They’re struggling, and I can’t help but chuckle. Like, c’mon, it’s not that hard! Just hold the camera up!

Buczacz: A city in its fullness