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So, this lass once, right, she’s rubbin’ me shoulders, oil slicker’n a whale’s arse, and I’m thinkin’, “This ain’t no church prayin’!” Little fact fer ye: them ancient Greeks, they’d massage soldiers’ bits afore battle—boosts morale, savvy? Made me chuckle, picturin’ Achilles gettin’ a cheeky rubdown. But here’s the meat o’ it: sexual-massage ain’t just handsy fun. It’s power, mate—like Brandon in *Shame*, chasin’ release, “I’m trying to feel something!” he’d groan. Me too, lass, me too.

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First off, I hit the streets of Shevchenka. I’m just tryna grab a coffee, ya know? But the line at that café on the corner? Ridic! Like, who knew coffee could take so long? I’m standing there, tapping my foot, thinking about how I could’ve made my own at home. But nah, I needed that caffeine fix. Finally, I get my cup, and it’s lukewarm. Like, c’mon! I’m not here for a cold brew, I want hot, steamy goodness!

Myth overcomes History