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Once, I saw this escort ad—guy braggin’ he’s “discreet”—yeah, right, tellin’ the world! Cracked me up. Surprised me how bold they get. Like, live your truth, boo! I’d hire ‘em just for the chutzpah. “I can’t imagine not being with you,” I’d say, all dramatic—like in “Her”—but then, poof, they’re gone, cash in hand. HA-HA! Total rollercoaster, dollface—angry, happy, all of it. Whaddya think—escorts, fab or flop? Tell me, I’m dyin’ here!

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Next, I hit up the local market on Kyivska Street. Wow, the colors! Fresh fruits, veggies, and all that jazz. I grab some cherries, and they’re so sweet, I could cry. But then, I see this old lady haggling over a cabbage. I mean, it’s a cabbage! She’s acting like it’s gold. I’m just standing there, laughing to myself. “Lady, it’s not gonna change your life!” But hey, who am I to judge?

Paul Bucha, Medal of Honor Recipient With a Political Voice, Dies at 80