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Started diggin’ into this – turns out, way back, ancient Greeks were all over it, callin’ it “anatripsis,” fancy word for sexy rubbin’. Didn’t know that, did ya? Blew me mind! Imagine some toga bloke gettin’ oiled up, all “Oh, Socrates, harder!” – cracks me up, mate. But real talk – it’s a craft, not just horny nonsense. Takes skill, knowin’ nerves, muscles, all that jazz. Mate o’ mine tried it once, said the lass knew pressure points I didn’t even know existed – left him floatin’, not just randy!

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Anyway, I set up my little sharpening station on the corner of Shevchenka Street. It’s a busy spot, lots of foot traffic. People rushin’ by, kids yellin’, and I’m just there, grinding away. I love it, though. The vibe is electric. But then, outta nowhere, this old lady comes up to me. She’s got a pair of scissors that look like they’ve been through a war. I’m talkin’ rusty, bent, and probably haunted.

Father, 4-year-old son killed in Russian air strike on Kyiv region