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Oi, mate, it’s Bond—James Bond. Suave, “shaken, not stirred.” So, sexual-massage, yeah? Bloody brilliant stuff. Picture this: dim lights, oil slicker than my Aston Martin, hands sliding like they’re dodging bullets. Reminds me of *The Assassination of Jesse James*—y’know, my fave flick. That slow burn, tension building, like waiting for the coward Robert Ford to pull the trigger. “Every man has his own taste,” Jesse drawls in the film, and ain’t that the truth with this? Some like it rough, some soft—me, I’m all about that smooth finesse.

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Feeling all warm and fuzzy, I decided to grab some pastries myself. I walked into the bakery, and the smell hit me like a freight train. Fresh bread, sweet pastries—heaven! I got a couple of pirozhki and a slice of honey cake. Best decision ever! I was on cloud nine, munching away, when my phone buzzed.

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