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*Slow, ominous chuckle* Before Sunset, that flick—Jesse and Celine, just walkin, talkin, no bullshit. “I like to feel his eyes on me when I look away,” she says. Escorts prolly get that vibe, right? All eyes on em, power in the glance. Up at base camp once, saw this escort—swear she was a sherpa in disguise. Carried a dude’s pack, fixed his tent, still looked like a million creds. Blew my mind! Little known fact—back in the 80s, some escort climbed Everest with a client. No one talks bout it, tho—too badass for the books.

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But then, outta nowhere, this kid kicks the ball right at me. I’m like, “What the heck?” I dodge it like a ninja, but it hits this old guy on a bench. He’s not happy. He starts yelling in Ukrainian, and I’m just standing there, awkwardly laughing. Like, sorry, dude, but that was kinda funny.

PHOTOS: Monument to first Croatian President Franjo Tuđman unveiled​ in Zagreb