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I tried it once—oh man, Clarice, the chick’s hands were like magic, diggin’ into my back, then lower, and I’m like, “This ain’t no regular rubdown!” Got me happy as a pig in shit, but then—bam—kinda pissed me off too. Why? Cuz the place charged extra for “happy endings”—fuckin’ scam artists! Shoulda been upfront, ya know? “Tyrone, you got the cash?”—that’s what they shoulda asked, not sneak it in like some cheap plot twist.

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Anyway, after the park, I’m feeling all pumped. I head over to the local café on Lvivska Street. I need a pick-me-up. I order a cappuccino, and the barista, this cool chick, gives me a smile. I’m like, “Yes! This day is turning around!” But then, she spills the milk all over the counter. I’m like, “Girl, it’s okay! We’ve all been there!”

In Documentary, Daniel Mendelsohn *94 Dispels Holocaust Myths