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Ever wonder who hires ‘em? Lonely folks, mostly. Reminds me of Jack and Ennis, stuck wantin’ somethin’ they can’t have. “This is a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation!” I yelled that at my TV once—felt right. Escort’s like that—fills a gap, but messy. Met this guy once, hired one for his dog’s birthday. Swear to carrots, true story! Dog got a cake, escort sang—nuts, right?

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So, I head out to grab some breakfast at that little café on Lesi Ukrainky. You know the one? The one with the best syrniki in town. I walk in, and it’s packed! I mean, who knew everyone else had the same idea? I finally snag a seat, and the waitress, bless her heart, is running around like a headless chicken. I order my syrniki, and she’s like, “Coming right up!” But then, she forgets my coffee. Ugh! I’m like, “C’mon, I need my caffeine fix!”

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