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Hey buddy, lemme tell ya bout erotic-massage! It’s like, whoa, strategery at its finest—hands all over, makin’ tension disappear faster than a tax cut! I reckon it’s a beautimous thing, like in *Before Sunset* when Jesse says, “I feel like I’m running out of ways to say goodbye”—that’s me, runnin’ outta stress with every rubdown! Fool me once, shame on—uh, shame on you, but ain’t nobody foolin’ me with a bad massage, heh!

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But then, as I’m sipping my coffee, I see this guy across the street. He’s trying to parallel park, and it’s a disaster. He’s hitting the curb, then the car behind him. I’m just sitting there, laughing my ass off. Like, come on, man! It’s not that hard!

SBU reveals new details of terrorist attack in Bilyayivka