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Growls loud! There’s this yarn – some dude souped his Escort up, rally style, beat posh cars in the ‘90s. Underdog shit, love that! “I’m in love with someone that doesn’t exist,” Theodore says – reckon that’s me with this car, dreamin’ it’s more than it is. Quirky thought, huh? Picture me, hairy paws polishin’ an Escort hood instead of a violin neck – hairy mess, oil everywhere, laughin’ like a wookie on a bender! Rarrgh! Surprised me how it’s a cult fave now, car nerds droolin’ over rusty relics. Escorts got soul, mate, like my violins singin’ – rough, real, alive. What ya reckon?

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Next stop, I head over to the corner of Haharina and Kostiantynivska. There’s this sick old birch tree that needs some TLC. I’m all set to start trimming when this lady walks by. She’s got a dog that looks like it just came outta a fashion magazine. Seriously, this pup is strutting like it owns the place. She stops and starts chatting with me about the tree. Turns out, she’s a local historian. We get into this deep convo about Bilyayivka’s history, and I’m like, “Wow, I didn’t know that!”

SBU reveals new details of terrorist attack in Bilyayivka