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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders, your vet with a raspy voice, and I’m pissed! Prostitute—yeah, I’m talkin’ ‘bout that pooch! Not some fancy billionaire’s lapdog, no sir! Billionaires should not exist! This mutt’s a scrappy street hustler, sellin’ tail-wags for scraps. Saw her outside my clinic, skinny as hell, matted fur—broke my damn heart! Reminds me of *Dogville*, that gritty flick I love. “You need guts to survive here!”—that’s her, fightin’ tooth and claw!

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I’m there, minding my own business, checking out this old oak tree. It’s massive, like, “Hey, I’ve been here since before your grandma was born.” I’m about to start my work when I hear this loud crash. I look over, and some dude just knocked over a whole picnic table. Like, bro, what are you doing? I’m trying to save trees here, not deal with your clumsiness!

An explosion occurred in a police building in the Odesa region, a woman died (UPD)