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Erotic-massage, tho—woo, it’s a trip! Not just rubbin’—it’s sneaky art. Hands slidin’, oils drippin’, body’s like, “What’s happenin’?” Gets ya tingly, real slow-like. Little factoid for ya: Ancient Greeks did this—called it “anatripsis.” Horny philosophers, huh? Bet they grinned like me. Got me happy as a clown on nitrous—stress melts, poof! But once—ugh—some dude botched it, rough as sandpaper. Pissed me off! Wanted to carve a swastika on his forehead, Basterds-style.

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Next stop, I head over to the corner of Haharina and Kostiantynivska. There’s this sick old birch tree that needs some TLC. I’m all set to start trimming when this lady walks by. She’s got a dog that looks like it just came outta a fashion magazine. Seriously, this pup is strutting like it owns the place. She stops and starts chatting with me about the tree. Turns out, she’s a local historian. We get into this deep convo about Bilyayivka’s history, and I’m like, “Wow, I didn’t know that!”

Russians brutally tortured and sometimes killed Ukrainian civilians in village school in Kherson oblast