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Alright, my friend, gather round! I’m Gandalf, wise as hell, and I’ve seen some shit. Sex-dating? Oh, it’s a wild ride! Picture this: folk swipin’ left and right, lookin’ for a quick tumble or somethin’ deeper. “You shall not pass!” I bellow at the fakes—those catfishes with pics from ten years ago. Drives me up the bloody wall! Back in the day, you’d meet someone at a tavern, now it’s all apps—bam, instant hookups!

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And then, this old babushka, bless her heart, starts laughing at me. I mean, c’mon! I’m trying to be all professional here! But she’s like, “Young man, you look like a rainbow!” I couldn’t help but chuckle. She’s right, I did look ridiculous. But hey, I rolled with it. I grabbed a few samples and started handing them out. “Free juice, folks! Get your rainbow juice here!”

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